You and a girl are back at your place after a date. You sit close together. You go for the kiss, she kisses you back passionately, and suddenly you’re tearing each other clothes off. Boom, you’re having sex.
But sometimes, things are a bit more complicated. Many women are not nearly as aggressive or prepared. You may have had a great time together but she’s still hesitant and nervous. This happens especially with younger or inexperienced women.
She may want to take things slower. She may need reassurance that she’s doing the right thing. She may not want to be seen as a “slut”.
You need to get her…
Sexually comfortable with you.
That doesn’t mean you should wait around, hoping some day she’ll be ready or make a move on you. That’s how you lose a woman’s interest. You want to be proactive, take the lead, and then calibrate accordingly.
There are three elements you need to provide so she’ll she feel ready to do the deed.
Relax Her
Before a woman can even become turned on, she needs to be relaxed. Her mind has to be free of worry and her body free of tension.For her mindset, you have to create a judgment-free environment. She can’t be stressing about how she looks, what you’ll think, or if she’s being too open with her sexuality. Reassure her.
“Damn, you look irresistible/so fucking amazing.”
“You’re so beautiful/sexy, I want to touch you all over.”
For her body, remind her to relax in a soft, soothing tone. Tell her to close her eyes, lay back, and take a deep breath. Again, let her know that you want her to feel taken care of.
“I want you to feel absolutely incredible.”
“All I want to do is worship every inch of your body.”
“Just lay back and feel my hands all over your soft skin.”
Only when she’s relaxed will she be ready for you to…
Turn Her On
If she’s going to have sex with you, she needs to get horny for you. You want her so hot and wet she can’t wait another second to have you inside her.Take your time, there’s no rush. This is foreplay!
I know you only need 10 seconds to get going, but women need to be primed before they’re ready. You want to tease, touch, and caress her body.
Focus on her pleasure. Too many guys immediately go for getting themselves off. It doesn’t help her trust that you have her best interests in mind. If you get a girl off, she will not only reciprocate the same to you but have a much easier time wanting to move forward.
Start with less intimate touching and work your way up. Some women consider certain actions more intimate than others but here’s a general guideline of how things escalate sexually:
- Playing with her fingers.
- Running your fingers on her arms or legs.
- Massaging her back.
- Kissing her neck.
- Kissing her cheek.
- Kissing / nibbling / licking her ear.
- Kissing her collarbone.
- Kissing her lips softly.
- Kissing her lips more passionately (with tongue).
- Running your hands through her hair.
- Running your hands on her body: outer thighs, inner thighs, stomach/waist, ass, and chest/breasts.
- Kissing her stomach, breasts, and panty line.
- Lifting her shirt up to expose her skin or taking it off completely.
- Unbuttoning/unzipping her pants slowly with your fingers or teeth.
- Rubbing her vagina through the outside of her panties.
- Sensually removing her panties while looking her in the eyes.
- Teasing the bare skin around and on her vaginal lips.
- Rubbing her clit.
- Fingering her.
- Performing oral sex on her.
- Having sex with her.
You also don’t have to hit every point. These are just some ideas to consider to ensure a smooth progression from foreplay to sex. Everyone is different but most women want at least 10-15 minutes before having intercourse.
Develop Trust
Sex is a physically scarier act for most women than men. She is being completely vulnerable and allowing you to enter her body.There’s always a fear that she’s alone with someone who could potentially overpower her and go further than she desires. You want to relieve her of that fear through your words and actions.
As you’re touching her body, say something that confirms you’ll respect her boundaries. Don’t dwell on it, just say it once with conviction.
“Tell me if you want me to slow down or stop at any point.”
“Let me know if you feel uncomfortable about anything.”
“I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”
Whatever you do, never go against your word.
Don’t get caught up in the moment and ignore a girl’s signals. If she says “stop”, “no”, or moves you off her at any time – ease off calmly. Never jerk away suddenly, look hurt, or pout. Keep calm, smile, and stay turned on. Reinforce the judgment-free environment.
Never keep going, try convince her otherwise, or brush her off by saying, “it’s okay, just relax.” You will kill all the trust you’ve worked to build.
If she’s rebuffing your advances, go back to what you were previously doing. You can even take a few minutes to softly talk to her and get her to relax again.
For example, if you took her shirt off but she didn’t want you to take her pants off, return to kissing or massaging her body. Continue pleasing her and try to move forward again in a few minutes. She may just need a little more time before she’s ready to go.
When you return to what she was hesitant about, ask her if it’s okay or gently try again. Look her in the eyes and say, “Can I take these off?”, “Are you comfortable with this?” or “Is this good?”
Don’t be afraid to ask a girl for what she wants, either. “What would make you feel amazing right now?”
If she rebuffs your advances again, I wouldn’t go further. That’s usually a clear indication she’s not comfortable yet. Continue doing what she is comfortable with. If during the current session she changes her mind, she can let you know.
Sex ALWAYS has to be consensual.
And if it doesn’t happen that night, doing the above and respecting her boundaries will make her want to fuck you later. Guys worry too much about getting laid that very day. Enjoy the experience for how far it goes.
When you do that, she’s almost guaranteed to be ready next time. You’re still building immense amounts of attraction. You’re not going to end up in the friend zone.
Remember, you can’t make a girl want to have sex with you. She has to come to that conclusion on her own.
Techniques like guilt tripping or “freeze outs” (where you ignore her until she feels so awkward/bad she sleeps with you) may work on occasion. But, you’re manipulating and pressuring her into having sex. That’s not the way to start a healthy sexual connection.
If you treat her poorly, she often won’t want to see you again. Be the guy that provides a positive, supportive, and memorable experience. Not only will she want to continue hooking up, she’ll want to further explore her sexuality with you.
That only leads to deeper, dirtier, and more satisfying sex.
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